who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
