what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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