i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
When are your genitals available?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize