The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm like, not good at living.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
