Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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