Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
