Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
