so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
