don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Dicks are not precious.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
