He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
