My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
