dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
