Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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