Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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