Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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