you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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