Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
