I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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