I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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