i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
