I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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