I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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