she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
