I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
