So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
