you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
