dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
