oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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