Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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