I've blown a few things in my day
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
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