tell your sister to shave her snatch
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
