i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
