I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize