I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
