It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
