please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
