I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
