Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
