she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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