My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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