3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
