no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
