I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
