is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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