shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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