If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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