He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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