I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
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