Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
