And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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