I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
