he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
