My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
