I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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