I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
