Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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