Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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