im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
