i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
