you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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