Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
