I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I deserve this hangover.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
