His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
