Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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