just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
