i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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