it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
