I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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