did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
