OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize