Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
false alarm. still invincible.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
