I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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