shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
