I wanna passion pit in your ass
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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